Letting Go of the Pursuit of Perfection

I think I have pursued perfection most of my teen and adult life.

I don’t know where I picked it up, but somewhere along the way I got the idea that in order to be accepted, admired, and worthy of friendships (or relationships) you had to be perfect.

The problem was that “perfect” was an ever-changing ideal.

Some years, it was to be a certain weight or have a certain haircut, or wear a certain style of makeup. Other years, it was straight As, 4.0 GPA, acceptance into a prestigious program, and presenting at conferences.

No one ever told me that if I did these things, I would be perfect. But each accomplishment made me feel perfect, and maybe that was more powerful than anyone ever saying the words.

When I became a mother, I realized how deeply I struggled with perfect. Children don’t know about being perfect. They don’t know about not making messes. Or going to bed at certain times so you can feel well rested. Or plans you’ve made that you’d feel awful changing. They do their own thing. You have to build your life around it and with each adjustment. You have to learn to let go of little bits of perfection.

The consequence, if you try to hold too tightly, is you will eventually unravel from the pressure.

Well I’ve been there and done that. I started a whole other blog about it that I abandoned due to fear of it not being perfect! Oh the irony.

And I’ve abandoned this blog for many reasons over the years, some of which include fear of it not being perfect. I think it’s easy to fall victim to this when you’re blogging. You’re literally placing your life on display, so of course you want it to look just right, whatever “right” may mean.

Now, in this season of our lives, we are experiencing incredible change. The last several weeks have been especially stressful and I’ve found myself becoming this person I didn’t recognize – jaded, sarcastic, rude, privileged, entitled… I could go on. Worst of all, I was desperately clinging to an unattainable ideal of perfection and that was what was pushing me into a tailspin.

A few days ago I had a moment by myself where this finally came together and I saw myself for who I had been over the previous days and weeks. It was shameful. Mostly because I have so much in my life that is good, but you would have thought by my behavior none of it mattered.

Perfectionism doesn’t always look like a put together room, a lovely dinner on the table, or an expertly-crafted item. It can look like self-punishment or anger toward others around you (or yourself), overwhelm, and expectations that make you feel like a failure. It can go so deep that sometimes it’s nearly impossible to recognize it.

I am so tired of the pursuit of perfection.

I reminded myself of a few things that I will share with you:

It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to not be a mess sometimes. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to have any of this happen, as long as you keep on trying.

Think of this as my declaration that I am putting aside the pursuit of perfection. As best as I can, anyway. Because breaking old patterns is hard.

I hope you feel seen in this, and that you decide to put aside the pursuit of perfection, too.